I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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