Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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