Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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