omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
