letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
