it wasn't lemon gatorade
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
