I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
