Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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