This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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