he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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