Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
