Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
