remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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