so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
