i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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