If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
