the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
