Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
