That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
