my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
