We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
