why didn't you poke me back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
