Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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