Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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