so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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