what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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