seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I understand Curling. That high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
