the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Enjoy the penises
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
