no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they're like a gay fantastic four
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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