I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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