Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
