I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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