How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
