420 ftw
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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