Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think people are normalizing furries
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
