dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
