nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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