So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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