you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
