how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
