I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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