I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
