Kiss
Puke
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
