I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are two peas in an std pod
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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