Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
