If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
