sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
