Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
