Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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