My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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